


Small Hope

by VampireBait



Category: Critical Role
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 15:26:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15415962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireBait/pseuds/VampireBait
Summary: Alone on watch Beau dwells on her losses.





	Small Hope

Beau was alone again. 

True, Caleb and Nott were sleeping a few feet away but that was just it. 

They were Caleb and Nott, a pair, a partnership. They’d travelled alone for months before they’d ever settled in with Beau and the others.

She wasn’t part of whatever they were, she knew that, heard it in their silence, when they looked at each other and words were not needed. 

She wanted that.

Wanted it so badly her chest ached for it, ached right along with the hot pain where Jester and Fjord had been ripped away. Gods her heart hurt.

Was this what it felt like to have had a real family and lost them? She wondered staring into the darkness around their small camp. 

They’d gotten lucky tonight; Nott had found a small cave tucked away behind some thick ferns. Hidden and sheltered, it was probably the warmest they’d been in a week.

As concealed as it was from the road, Beau had still insisted on a watch, and neither of them had said anything against it. They’d lost too much to take the slightest risk.

A small fire had been lit, a luxury they didn’t usually allow themselves but this place was hidden enough that Caleb had built one as large as he dared. She kept it to her back as she looked out between the boughs of the two trees enjoying the warmth on her spine. 

It had been too long since they lost Molly, too long since she’d heard Jester laugh, or caught a wondering smile from Yasha…Gods Yasha. 

Her chest burned again, spreading up to clutch at her throat and prick at her eyes. Beau tightened her grip on the staff resting across her thighs and blinked back the tears. 

She’d cried, she’d raged, she wouldn’t do it again. She was saving her rage, saving it for the bastard who’d stolen her family, who’d made this hole and caused them all this pain.

Behind her Caleb muttered unhappily in his sleep. 

He’d been taking the lead lately, calm and calculating. 

In truth the first morning after they lost Molly, Beau had expected Caleb and his Goblin to have left in the night. Who was she to them after all? He’d obviously joined the group because there was protection in numbers, he’d said as much. 

So where did he stand now that, that protection had failed? 

The Wizard turned over, closer to Nott, and settled again with an unhappy sigh. 

She’d been surprised to see them waiting for her that morning. 

Grateful wasn’t a word she was very familiar with, but like a child she had clutched at their presence, taken it as a gift, if a fleeting one. 

They’d probably still leave. She told herself. When they did she’d just have to accept it. She was a piece of shit, why would they want to stay? She wasn’t worth staying with.

Her eyes burned again and this time she let them. Allowed herself a few tears and a heavy sigh. It didn’t matter, she’d go find her vengeance with or without them. 

It’d be a damn good fight, a damn fine reason to die, Molly would be there after all and she could say she tried, really tried.

“Beau?” 

She jumped her staff swinging out before she could stop it, luckily Nott knew her well enough to not be there when the staff swung down, appearing suddenly on Beau’s left. 

She cursed under her breath and used the distraction of bringing the staff back to her chest to quickly wipe the moisture from around her eyes.

“Fuck, Nott. Sorry. Shouldn’t sneak up on me.”

The Goblin studied her carefully, yellow eyes reflecting the flames behind bow with an eerie glow.

“It’s my watch I think. Do you want to get some sleep?”

Beau didn’t want to sleep, hadn’t wanted too since they lost Molly, but her body had other ideas, she felt her eyes growing heavy and knew she’d be no good to anyone if she didn’t rest. 

She sighed reluctantly and nodded. 

Standing and stretching cramped muscles.

“I s’pose I should.” She turned and picked her way across the fire to the spot Nott had left beside Caleb. 

She tried not to disturb him as she settled there. 

Before she closed her eyes she watched Nott settle in the spot by the trees.

“Hey Nott?”

The Goblin glanced back at her. “Yeah?”

The Monk swallowed hard “…Don’t leave me alone, k’ay?”. 

Her voice broke slightly at the end but she found she didn’t care; she knew people left her but, it occurred to her that she’d never asked any of them to stay before.

“…please?”

In the firelight Nott’s eyes gleamed, she smiled a small sad smile and nodded. 

“Promise.”

She turned back to her watch and Beau felt a sudden weight lift. 

She lay down curling into a ball and blinked as her eyes were met by Caleb’s, he lay studying her his brow furrowed in thought. 

They said nothing as he regarded her. Then carefully, he opened his arms for her like she’d seen him do so many times with Nott. 

Whatever had made her keep her distance in the past crumbled away and she curled up into the warmth of his body, grateful once more.

As she drifted off to sleep, she dared to hope that maybe, maybe they’d stay.


End file.
